Goodbye 2024

Hi Stranger,

How are you?

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas if you celebrate it, and that you had an amazing time!

I’m thrilled to share that the last article officially reached over 20,000 readers—which is absolutely mind-blowing and incredible! While this milestone isn’t visible to everyone (thanks to this platform not being very good), I was able to see it with the help of one of my best friends, and it completely made my day!!!

It’s hard to believe how much this community has grown over the past four and a half years. Many of you have been here since I started posting, while others are new to this blog. Either way, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your support, your kind and thoughtful messages (which I deeply miss reading), and for coming back time and time again to read about my thoughts and experiences.

So many of you called me a writer back when I had no idea how to write properly.

Your encouragement meant the world to me, and here I am, still writing after all these years!

I never really thought I could do this or become good at it. Honestly, I didn’t even think anyone would want to read what I had to say, and I was worried about facing judgment. That’s why I chose to stay anonymous, but that decision led to something truly beautiful—the creation of this community, where so many of you felt safe to share your own experiences with me. You’ve told me how much reading my articles has helped and inspired you, and most importantly, shown you that you’re not alone.

While I’m no longer able to respond to messages nowadays (I can only receive messages here perhaps a week after posting an article when the traffic is low and that's when I could reply as well), I want you to know that I’m always here for you. If you’d ever like to reach out, feel free to email me, and I promise you’ll get a quick response.

For anyone who has tried sending me messages recently, I’m truly sorry I didn’t receive them but I know they are beautiful and special. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for thinking of me and for sending your beautiful and kind wishes!

I honestly don’t know where I’d be without this blog and this amazing community.

You’ve helped me in ways I can’t even begin to express, and a big part of my healing is thanks to all of you!

As for Christmas celebrations, the only thing I did was enjoy some semi-traditional food I made, and I’ve been on call for work and will be for the New Year too—not fun!

I haven’t felt particularly inspired since my last post, but since I couldn’t sleep, I woke up at 4:30 AM this morning and decided to write.

So, let’s take a moment to reflect on 2024 and talk about my plans and goals for 2025.

It’s been a challenging year, but definitely not as tough as others, at least for me! There are plenty of personal matters I haven’t shared and I don't think I ever will, but I’m grateful I’ve managed to overcome them too.

This year has certainly brought a lot of stress and uncertainty, and in this article I’ll be repeating some things I’ve already mentioned in past articles.

As you know, I went through a lot of change this year—first not knowing if I’d have a job after finishing the apprenticeship, then passing the assessments and starting my junior software engineer role.

Then came all the team changes, and now I’m working on completely different streams of work—ones that aren’t as enjoyable, but I guess that’s part of the process. It’s hard to figure out what you truly like and want to do without trying out a few different things.

The tech industry is full of so many opportunities and roles, and even when you narrow it down to software engineering, there are still many choices.

In an ideal world, we would decide what we want to do and focus solely on that, gaining the experience, knowledge, and expertise to become great at it. But what if you try something for a while and realize it’s not for you? You shouldn’t feel bad about that or be afraid to explore something else.

For me, I know I’ll continue to work in tech because I know I belong here. But with all the context switching and different projects I’ve been part of since starting this job, it’s helped me explore multiple paths, figure out what I enjoy, and discover what I’m less passionate about—or not interested in at all. I’m still early in my career, so I’m continuing to explore my options.

If I had stayed with my first team, all my work this year would have continued to focus on DevOps and platform engineering, which I would have really enjoyed! Unfortunately, my company doesn't like assigning specific roles or titles because that typically means paying more.

For those who may not know, DevOps is all about helping software get built and run smoothly. You set up tools, solve problems, and ensure updates happen easily without breaking anything. That’s the simplest way I can explain it.

Now, in my current team, I have to focus on web development, particularly front-end development. While it can be fun for personal projects, I don’t enjoy working on things that require visual design. I don’t like spending hours making things look pretty, but that’s what I was stuck with for months.

I’ve just moved to a different project, so for a while, I’ll be working on tasks that don’t involve creating or changing anything visual for users, which is a relief.

Once again, this isn’t a focused role, and as great as it’s been to explore different areas, it has also made everything more difficult. After two years (and a bit) in this role at the company, I’ve come to the conclusion that it will be hard to become as skilled and knowledgeable as I’d like to be, especially with such a broad role. That’s one downside of having a role that covers so many areas and which can drastically change depending on the team you are in.

While I don’t plan to start a new job in 2025, I do have plans to slowly and steadily learn what I need for my future role.

After months of research, I think I’ve finally found something that not only excites me but truly interests me.

I’ve had some exposure to the cloud through small projects at work, and I really liked it, so I started exploring the different areas within it that I could focus on, otherwise cloud engineering as a whole is the same as software engineering, too many things to learn and focus on, and it's going to be very challenging to learn things at a deeper level.

Initially, I considered combining it with my current DevOps knowledge (which isn’t enough, and I’d need to learn a lot more), but the more I read, the more it started to sound too similar to my current role. Being a jack of all trades is no longer something I want to continue. Instead, I wanted to find something more niche, which led me to consider security.

I’ll admit, it sounded intimidating at first, and the reason I didn’t consider it sooner was because I thought I wasn’t smart enough for it. It’s funny looking back because I thought the same about being in tech in general—and here I am.

Security as a role can be broad, challenging, and difficult, but cloud security is different.

By narrowing it down to a specific area and provider, your chances of becoming truly skilled at it increase significantly. I’ve already chosen the cloud provider I want to focus on which is AWS (Amazon Web Services) and have done some studying before and recently, so I’m not starting from scratch. I’ve even started working on small personal projects, including security-focused ones. It’s been a while since I’ve enjoyed learning and had fun with projects in my free time, so that’s already a great sign that I’m making the right choice.

So, as you can probably already tell, my plan is to transition from a software engineer to a cloud security engineer role.

I have to be honest, this is a tough choice and it won't be easy. It will require a lot of learning, building projects (and breaking and fixing them along the way), building a portfolio, and passing some exams to receive some AWS certifications. While the certifications aren’t absolutely necessary, they’re a great way to showcase your knowledge.

I’ve created a one-year plan, which is a realistic approach to setting goals and holding myself accountable. I truly believe that all my current knowledge and experience will help me learn faster and more effectively, and overall, I’ll bring a lot of valuable skills to my future role.

I’ll probably write an article soon, perhaps about the different roles you can pursue in tech, how to get started with them, and the resources I’ve used and would recommend.

The next thing I’ll continue doing is teaching with Code First Girls. It’s a freelance role, and I’m starting to get pretty good at it.

Last year, after applying for their Instructor Academy, I was accepted and paid for the two months—something I didn’t expect but was a pleasant surprise, especially for something that didn’t require much effort. Of course, it also meant I had to start teaching during the academy, but it wasn’t much at first. I mostly did shadowing, helped students in the chat with their issues, and added extra explanations for everything the lead instructor covered.

To simplify things, I teach their free eight-week courses once a week in the evening for two hours. Each course has one lead instructor who does most of the teaching, and one assistant instructor who teaches fewer sessions but is always there to take attendance, help with issues, and offer additional support.

I started as a trainee, but now I’m an assistant instructor and just started teaching a new course two weeks ago. I’m now covering half of the sessions, which means I’m the one sharing my screen, doing live coding, and explaining various concepts during those sessions. Each session has around fifty students, and as you probably guessed, all the students are women and non-binary.

Teaching so many people at once can be very challenging and intimidating, but practice has definitely made it easier.

I started teaching the Web Development course, but that one is no longer available. It has since been replaced by the new JavaScript course, which is what I’m teaching now.

I also taught one Python course, which was fine, but since I don’t work with that programming language, I decided to opt out of future Python courses for now. It wasn’t difficult, but I prefer to avoid too much context-switching.

Teaching JavaScript is much easier since I work with it regularly, and it’s also helped me not only recap the basics but gain a deeper understanding of many things. When you have to simplify concepts to make them understandable for someone with no prior knowledge or experience, you realize how much you know—and how much you still don’t know.

I always prepare for my classes to ensure that I have clear, simplified explanations, along with real-life examples. This makes it much easier for people to remember things when they can relate them to concepts they’re already familiar with.

This approach has worked really well so far, and I’m pleased to see that it’s actually making it easier for people to understand. It’s a sign that my teaching style is on the right track. I’ve also found that adding a few silly jokes here and there helps create a more relaxed atmosphere, making students feel comfortable sharing and asking questions if something is unclear or they’re struggling with anything.

I always ask if things made sense or if I need to explain something again after live coding exercises or when covering a new concept. This continuous feedback loop helps me improve both myself and my teaching methods.

After I finish this current course in mid-February, I’m excited to say that in my next one, I’ll officially become the lead instructor! This is proof of all the hours I’ve put into teaching (mainly when I’m the one leading the classes), and it also means I’ll be getting paid more.

I think this is the fifth course I’ve taught. I wasn’t available for some time while finishing my apprenticeship, but since this summer, it’s become a steady routine for me to teach every Tuesday, as I don’t go to the office on that day. I get around a month-long break between each course, which has been really helpful and, honestly, the ideal break.

Alright, I’ve written more about this than I initially intended, but I wanted to share my progress as a freelance coding instructor. I plan to continue doing it—not only because I’m paid, but also because it has really helped boost my confidence in speaking and explaining technical things to others, especially to large groups.

I never thought I could be someone who teaches, but once you start getting better at it, it can be quite enjoyable.

Of course, this is a great thing for my career, and it’s also nice not to rely solely on my salary and instead have a second stream of income. The more I teach with them, the more opportunities it will bring. Eventually, I could even teach their bootcamp. While it’s not something I’m considering soon (it would require a lot of effort and commitment), it’s good to know I have options.

Anyway, enough about work—now I want to briefly mention some of my personal goals for 2025.

I want to prioritize going to the gym even more. Currently, I go three times a week, but I’d like to increase it to four, and eventually five times a week. I used to enjoy exercise so much, especially the feeling of being physically strong and seeing muscle definition.

It’s been too long since I’ve seen anything like that on my body, but after two months of consistently showing up for myself at the gym, I’m already starting to feel some changes.

Now, I need to make sure I adjust my diet to support these goals. I don’t want to be restrictive—we all know how that turns out—but I do want to start incorporating healthier versions of my favorite foods, while cutting back on snacks and alcohol.

Also, I really hope to get knee surgery this year and I will do my best to make sure that happens. I keep imagining what it would feel like to move without constantly being in pain. Of course, I’m not sure if the surgery will fully fix the issue, but I’ve come to the conclusion that even less pain would be a huge improvement after dealing with it for the last two decades...

One of the first things I want to do after surgery is take dance classes. I really enjoy dancing, and I do it a bit most days. It’s the only form of cardio I can call fun, and it always puts me in a great mood.

Next, I’d like to start martial arts again. I might even consider boxing—not sure if it’s technically a martial art, but I miss punching people.

Being able to fight and defend yourself is an invaluable skill, and I’d recommend it to anyone. It makes you feel stronger both physically and mentally, and it’s fun. Sure, it can be painful, but after so many tough life experiences, I’d much rather feel physical pain from training and sparring with someone than emotional pain.

Years ago, when I had to stop practicing karate, it took a huge toll on my mental health.

My home life was difficult; I had a strained relationship with my mother, who was also going through post-partum depression, money was extremely tight, my grandma was bedridden and we were her carers, and my brother was just a baby. I had to learn how to look after him, manage the countryside house with many animals and crops, care for my grandmother and brother while my mom was at work, and still study hard to be at the top of my class—anything less wasn’t acceptable to my family. I guess that's the burden of the eldest daughter!

There were also other things I’d rather not mention that made life harder. I loved karate and was deeply committed to it. It offered me a safe space to release my anger in a controlled way.

That’s why I’d love to get back into martial arts—it doesn’t have to be karate, and I won’t do it as intensely as before. But first, I need to get that surgery.

I also want to read more books because reading helps me detach and escape reality for a while. If you enjoy reading, have a look at Peaches and Honey, and Pits and Poison by R.Raeta. I recently discovered them, read them both on my Kindle in less than a week and I loved them so much that I ordered the hardcover version too! I think they are my favorite books now!

Of course, I also want to write more articles, more frequently, and create different series for informative articles.

Travelling is another must for me. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant, but I want to see more places. My life in the U.K. is quite lonely—after all these years, I still don’t have any friends here. I know many people and I can be very friendly, but I don’t easily call people friends anymore, and that’s for the best. Not everyone deserves that title, and only some people should have access to you that way after they’ve proven themselves to be genuine. I regret many things from my past, especially opening up to people who not only didn’t care about me but also didn’t have my best interests at heart.

Life got better when I stopped pouring into cups that never poured into mine!

All the people I love are in different countries, and it makes things difficult. But I guess that’s the reality of living abroad. In a few months, I’ll be able to say I’ve been living in the U.K. for seven years, which still baffles me, considering how many times I wanted to leave. Unfortunately, that feeling hasn’t changed, and leaving is always on my mind because I feel like I don’t belong here. I can’t see myself living my entire life in the U.K.; the only thing keeping me here right now is my job. This is why it’s so important for me to establish a solid career, move into a more focused role, gain more experience, and continue freelancing. Life has harshly taught me that I need to have a backup plan in case things go wrong. We’ve seen all the layoffs in tech, including in my company, and I’ve already experienced this before in aviation, as well as the two other temporary jobs I had after that. Those jobs not only paid me peanuts but also left me with trauma and without an income. I’m not taking any risks when it comes to having no other income or options.

This will open doors for me to work from anywhere, ensuring that I never face financial difficulties like I did before. I will keep that promise to myself because I deserve better!

I also miss home more and more these days. While I don’t see myself moving back anytime soon, it has made me realise I should have appreciated the Balkan lifestyle and culture more.

Overall, these are my goals, which I suppose aren’t just for next year.

I don’t think I want too much—I just want a better life!

After everything I’ve been through, I don’t believe anything is out of reach for me anymore. I’ve proven it not only to myself but to everyone else that I can achieve whatever I set my mind to.

While I’m confident in my strength, there are still moments when I feel anxious or doubt myself, worrying that I might not get things done. But what I don’t do is let those thoughts or fears stop me.

Nothing and nobody can stop me from becoming the person I want to be!

I always say that if you can be anything, you should be kind, and the first person you should be kind to is yourself.

However, even your kindness needs boundaries, and you should protect your energy at all costs.

If you're a giver—and I suspect you might be, since you're reading my articles—you need to take care of yourself. Takers often have no limits. They take and take until they drain you, so be mindful of the people you allow into your life.

I am a firm believer that you can change your life because life is made of choices.

There comes a time when you have to decide whether you want to turn the page of your current book or write a completely new one. And no, I'm not talking about actual books.

I'm talking about the fact that you have the power to shape your life however you want it to be.

We tend to be our biggest critics, and while I understand that circumstances can be tough and cause impediments, sometimes the only thing standing between your current life and the one you desire is yourself. It's your fear of failure, your lack of confidence and your low self-esteem, the people you keep around you who aren’t good for you and who don't want to see you succeed, and the choices you make or don’t make.

I know my life would have been much better and easier in recent years if I had trusted myself more, believed sooner that I am capable of achieving anything I set my mind to, and, most importantly, gotten rid of the rotten fruits I used to call friends.

I can’t give myself all the credit for all my life changes because my blog has helped me find the people who are now closest to me—my best friends and my boyfriend.

They are the people I love most, and they have been by my side through many ups and downs. They have shown me so many times how much I mean to them, and while I also gave them many reasons to leave, they stayed!

Their constant love, care, support, and loyalty have helped me flourish because they are the ones who believed from the very beginning that I would be able to break into tech and achieve anything I want, and they always celebrate my achievements way more than I do.

We all need such wonderful and genuine people in our lives, and we all deserve to be loved fully and unconditionally for who we are. I know how hard it is to find such people, but I promise that they are out there, and if you don’t have someone like this in your life now, you will at some point because you deserve to experience such genuine connections as well. So please, never lose hope!

I know how lucky I am not only to have such incredible people in my life but also to have this wonderful community, so I wanted to express my gratitude once again.

You have all played such a big role in my healing and in shaping the person I am today, and I will always be thankful to you!

May the year bring happiness, joy, love, good health, peace of mind, and success to all of us! Don't forget to create a vision board with your goals and aspirations for 2025, I personally find it quite helpful.

Happy New Year! Take care!

It wouldn't be New Year without this Romanian banger, which is actually from 2005: https://youtu.be/cTViGmXIZg8?si=TFVO8wT46wPDFRs9. This is one of my favorite childhood songs, and I love it! I’ll be dancing to it later, drinking vodka.

I can't be home to celebrate, but I can try to bring a small part of home to me!

Remember yourself!