Hopeful

Hi Stranger,

How are you?

I finally have some good news. I am home! After 6 months of being away, my country decided to open the borders and let people travel from the U.K. without the mandatory 14 self-isolation period. I booked a flight straight away and needless to say, I almost missed it. For the first time in my life, I was kinda late and my friend was confused about some rule and thought it applies with every airline. Well, it’s not like that! I ran like a maniac around the airport and I made it! I am pretty proud of the fact that I have been breaking the rules and I still ran from time to time although I am not allowed due to my bad knees. It was finally visible and I am not good with running!

I travelled with my former employer...heh, it brought back a lot of memories, like I would hear the specific sounds in the cabin and I would check straight away... I have to admit, I kinda miss the uniform and I missed flying, at least as a passenger. I don’t miss the messy life of being a cabin crew and hell no, I don’t miss being constantly annoyed and hit with bags.

Everyone here is so surprised by my weight loss like damn people, I decided to take control over my body and get back at being my old self, I am not sick.

I will be home for a whole month because I really needed to fix my broken braces and also, I have been looking for a job so hard! Nothing! There seems to be nothing for me at the moment. I will spend some time at the countryside house, I will walk a lot, sunbathe (do not worry, I wear sunscreen every day but I could use a bit of colour, I look like I am adopted). I just want some freedom and obviously, some peace of mind. I need to spend more time studying and spend some quality time with my family, friends and pets! My poor brain is dying...

Believe it or not, there is nothing for me in the U.K. at the moment: I barely have friends, I live in a small town close to one airport, and it’s boring and not the safest, University is on hold and I might have to postpone moving to London because honestly, why would I move there without a job or classes to attend to? Things aren’t great! I am looking for a host family so I could be an Au Pair. I don’t seem to have any luck with the agency, which seems to find people for really wealthy families...

I have been so stressed and my anxiety won’t miss a chance to attack me. It’s getting harder and harder to defend myself against it. The only things that are actually working for me this year: my weight loss and my journey towards healing.

Financially, I am starting to struggle a bit. I live with a really kind landlord and we are close friends, he is like a father to me (not in the sugar daddy way!), he is constantly supporting me towards reaching my goals and he has been doing it since day 1. He let me stay there rent-free for two months and it has really helped me. I am going home so I can save some more money, I really don’t want to start using my savings because it’s just not fair, I have worked my ass off for that money and it has to be for London and university!

I really hope to get a job as an au pair but even this seems to be hard or maybe I just waited after this agency instead of finding out more and more about this! I will keep trying and applying! I can always go back to the U.K. earlier if I get an offer, it’s only a 3 hours flight but it would be great because they offer accommodation, some families offer your own flat like hello, sign me up, a ‘free’ flat in London? I will have to be in self-isolation for 14 days but it's okay. I have been isolating for months!

I had three first aid trainings and my former airlines, couldn’t be bothered to offer me a damn certificate! Now I had to pay and go through another training, just a paediatric one this time, in order to get the certificate and raise my chances to be hired! Ugh! It’s okay, I’ve got this! First aid was my favourite part from my Cabin Crew training, ups! I am pretty good at it. Today I will finish another course about Child Mental Health and then I will receive a hardcopy of my certificate home. Both courses are CPD Accredited so I hope that helps. I changed my CV and it looks pretty cool, I also changed my cover letter. It was quite some work because I want them to be great.

I feel like I want to chance something! Today I will finally get a haircut because I usually get a trim every 6-8 weeks to keep my hair healthy but it’s been 7 months now! I tried trimming it myself maybe once or twice but it needs the hand of a professional. It’s quite long and heavy and yeah, I want it healthy! I will get 5 cm off, trust me, that’s the a lot in my case, usually when I get it trimmed, it’s barely noticeable.

I might even get another piercing, I only have one but I kinda neglected it since I wasn’t allowed to have it when I was a cabin crew but now I can do whatever I want! We’ll see, I just want something small and feminine, I am too lazy to wear earrings all the time anyway.

I was a bit concerned that I might be tempted to eat delicious food home but I decided to let myself enjoy it for two-three days only and now I am back at my routine. I also need to help my mom with nutrition because she asked me to. I took my smaller food scale with me, in my cabin bag (it was funny to take it out when I was passing through security). Unfortunately, I was a bit afraid to take my smart scale so I will use the basic one that my mom has (I would say it’s not exactly accurate all the time, at least this is what I liked to believe before, but this will have to do for a month), also, I will only check my weight twice this month, I do not want to feel restricted!

Last night, I cleaned a bit my closet and I found some old clothes that I will wash and donate. I also let two full bags in the U.K. and the landlord will take them to a donation centre. It makes me happy if I can help at least a bit someone in need.

This should be pretty much it for now! I really hope I will enjoy my time home and things will start to be better. I refuse to lose hope!

<Update, I guess my hair is considerably shorter now, my mom isn’t too pleased haha but change is a must sometimes!>

Take care!

Here is a different kind of picture because I couldn't believe I am home!